The Day The Toilets Were Broken
by Illogic's Lovechild Chevara
Summary: The toilets are broken on the Starship Enterprise, and this is just one freaked up story!


Captain Kirk sat there in agony. They had been working on ALL the toilets on the Enterprise ALL day, after Chekov tore them all up. All was avaliable was one port-a-potty on the bridge, which no one would even go around after Chekov stank it up.  
  
"Jim, if ya gotta go, then go," Dr. McCoy said as he noticed Kirk with the "I've gotta crap" look on his face.  
  
"I'm not using that port-a-potty. Chekov beat me to it first and I won't use it now," Kirk said.  
  
"Chekov is a person like the rest of us. He's not a virus or anything," Dr. McCoy said.  
  
"Bones, the guy STINKS. I don't know what they eat in Russia, but whatever it is..." Kirk said. "I don't wanna know."  
  
"Come on, I'll go in to prove that nothing bad will happen," Dr. McCoy said as he opened the door and walked in. A split second later he came out holding his nose.  
  
"You're right, Jim!!" Dr. McCoy exclaimed.  
  
"Told ya.."  
  
A few seconds later Scotty came over there.  
  
"I could let ya shit on the transporter and beam it to the Klingons," Scotty suggested.  
  
"That's evil. That's even an evil thing to do to a bunch of Klingons," Kirk said. "I would like some air freshener. And I want Chekov to buy it for me."  
  
"Are you making fun of me, Captain?" Chekov asked. "Because I have intestine problems and I can't help it."  
  
"Anybody can help that, son," Dr. McCoy said.  
  
"Please try to understand Chekov," Sulu said. "He explained it to me this morning."  
  
"Mr. Sulu, you may be understanding, but that's only because you don't have to shit right now," Kirk said.  
  
"Actually, Captain, I do," Sulu said as he squinched his eyes and moaned.  
  
A while later, a janitor walked in with a bucket and mop.  
  
"Look, Bones, he has a bucket, he has a BUCKET!!!" Kirk exclaimed.  
  
"He has to mop the floor," Dr. McCoy said.  
  
"I'm gettin his bucket," Kirk said as he dashed over to the janitor. Apparently, Sulu had the same plan as he did, because he beat him to it, Car and Driver magazine in hand.  
  
Sulu grabbed the bucket from the janitor and dumped the green water over his head. He sat the bucket down, dropped his trousers, and did his business right on the bridge.  
  
"Somebody, could you please get me some toilet paper," Sulu requested after he was done.  
  
"I'm not getting you any toilet paper. You knew good and well I was getting ready to get that bucket!! I have been about to shit since very early this morning, and you had the nerve to get my bucket!!!" Kirk snapped furiously.  
  
"I'm sorry, Captain," Sulu said sarcastically as he looked at a centerfold of the new Mercedes. "I guess I'll just have to use YOUR Car and Driver as T.P.!!"  
  
Chekov spoke up.  
  
"I'm sorry I had to be born with such awful intestines. It's my fault you all hate each other," Chekov said. "I am gonna repay you all. Sulu, I'm going to get you some toilet paper."  
  
"Thank you," Sulu smiled as he turned the page to a picture of a Toyota Camry.  
  
"And I am going to make the port-a-potty smell better," Chekov added when he came back with Sulu's toilet paper. "Uhura, can I have some perfume??"  
  
"Yes," Uhura said as she got a little bottle of perfume out and handed it to Chekov.  
  
"And I'll use a little of my cologne," Chekov said as he got a bottle of cologne out and headed to the port-a-potty. A few minutes later, he was done spraying it.  
  
"Captain, it smells better now," Chekov smiled.  
  
"I wanna see," Dr. McCoy said as he went in, and came back out a few seconds later, not holding his nose.  
  
"Jim, it smells like your bedroom on Taco Night, but it's an improvement," Dr. McCoy said.  
  
"I'm used to that," Kirk said as he went in the potty.  
  
When he was just about to drop his trousers, the head plumber came into the bridge.  
  
"We got the toilets fixed," he yelled. "You can use them now."  
  
Upon hearing those words, Kirk opened the door of the port-a-potty, and ran to the bathroom singing, "I'm A Believer". He stayed in the bathroom all the rest of that year, and by the time he came out, he had shaved his legs, shaved his underarms, and was wearing fake eyelashes.  
  
~*The End*~  
  
Okay, okay, I know it sucks. But maybe that's how they secretly acted when the toilet broke!?!  
  
:) It's something to think about :) 


End file.
